Hanging on a Star

Ciao Darlings

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 04:49:32 GMT

Well, this is it. I'm leaving in less than twelve hours. Kind of surreal.

Wish me luck!

Headlights on Dark Roads

Wed, 31 May 2006 04:52:14 GMT

For once I want to be the car crash
Not always just the traffic jam
Hit me hard enough to wake me
And lead me wild to your dark roads

Headlights... before me
So beautiful, so clear
Reach out... and take it
Cos I'm so tired of all ths fear

My tongue is lost, oh, I can't tell you
Please just see it in my eyes

Man, I love these guys.

Ghetto Superstar

Sun, 21 May 2006 05:06:19 GMT

Tonight was marvelous.

I got to work with Jaime and Libby, just like old times.

I served White Castle on a silver platter with white gloves at a million dollar wedding.

I sang "Ghetto Superstar" with Jaime while collecting linens.

Greg made me a boquet.

Jimmy actually talked to me. Nicely, even.

My tables were ridiculously complimentary and loved me.

I drove home in the rain.

I had so much fun. These are the days that keep me coming back to MBH.

Scott's graduating tomorrow. I feel old. (totally unrelated, but ok)

Lifeisgood.

We Just Keep Going On

Thu, 18 May 2006 03:53:30 GMT

Here's my chintzy attempt at expressing feelings.

I composed a letter in my head
stamped it, addressed it straight to you
a thousand times delivered
a thousand times returned to sender
incorrect label
problem in the address
better luck next time.
Maybe if I tried, there would be next time.
Maybe if I tried, there would be a first time.
Put the letter in my pocket
this time I knew
this time I swore
I’d give it directly to you
but the letter got crumpled
torn by the tough denim
and rather than give you anything less than the best
I tore the letter up.
Presentation is everything.
I resolved not to write it down
but to tell you
to call, to show you in person
but you’re a hundred miles away
and I’ll be gone for three months.
Thwarted by time and space,
my letter stays with me,
destined always to be
Return to Sender.

But I still say music says it a thousand times better.

I wish you guys knew the situation. The people. I wish there was someone I could talk to that could really understand. I mean, the state boys, they know what's going on, but, I'm sorry, they are only boys. They have limits. Testosterone inhibits the whole girl talk thing. And while I loved our stair talk at three in the morning outside my dorm, I need some serious Marian girl talk here. Well, I guess I don't really need advice at all. I just want to talk, even if it is pointless. I do know what I have to do. What's the use in talking about it? In posting about it? I know what will make this all better, but I'll be leaving town for three months and there's simply no point. Until then, my restless mind will continue to churn (especially since I've started watching Grey's Anatomy. That show brings out the hopeless romantic in me like none other.). I really need to get some guts and learn the fine art of confrontation.

I really need to get a life. I need to be busy, so that I don't have time to dwell, and then post about my thoughts. Good thing I'll be leaving soon. Typical. Here's me, doing what I do best. Avoiding my problems until they fade away.

Thought for the day: Don't you love the sound of silence right before a secret is spilled?

One of these days

Wed, 17 May 2006 04:50:40 GMT

I will actually learn how to express myself using my own words. Until that day, I have a plethora of quotes.

Oh yeah, and I'm offically obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. Mad, passionate love. New goal in life: To find a boy that gives looks like Dr. McDreamy. *Swoon* The music on that show is fabulous. So is the writing, for that matter.

Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. - Dr. Meredith Grey

There's really too many good quotes from the show, so I'll leave you with that one. I find it remarkably accurate.

Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl
Who's in the middle of something
That she doesn't really understand

Jem - "Maybe I'm Amazed"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

Snow Patrol - "Chasing Cars"

I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you
but just bein' around you offers me another form of relief

Rilo Kiley - "Portions for Foxes"

Allright, that's enough for now.

Two questions.

Why do boys give girls rings?

Does it mean anything if you dream you're riding in a car with someone (and that someone is someone you happen to be interested in) three nights in a row?

Why is everything so complicated?

Why does growing up suck so much?

Why do we have to be responsible?

Ok, that was more than two. Sorry. My math skills are deplorable.

Things are always difficult before they get easy. - Quote of the week on the Gingelville Community Center Sign

Why?

Why can't I just say it? Why can't I do something about it?

When will I be enough?

Because the only people for me are the mad ones...

Thu, 11 May 2006 07:29:27 GMT

This year passed in the blink of an eye. I was lying in bed, thinking about last summer and this one drink I used to make everyday, and suddenly I was there, like this year hadn't ever happened. Thinking about it, my sophomore can seemingly be compressed infinitesimally thin on the timeline, so much so that it almost doesn't exist. Yet I know it did, because of all the mistakes, adventures, and drama in my memory.

I think the rest of life will go just as quickly. So I'm going to try to slow down, and not only remember but also appreciate things more for what they are, instead of always rushing ahead to the next thing on the agenda, instead of holding my breath in anticipation of the next high.

And the rain it started tapping on my window pane...

Where Will I Find You?

Mon, 08 May 2006 03:06:24 GMT

Now the silence breaks my walls
Looking through a telescope
My back is wide, all the time
A thousand miles can't fall asleep
White lines beneath my feet
The start light, becomes mine

I'm calling, calling for you
You're calling, calling for me, yeah

Is it for real?
Do I see what I want to believe?
Are you for real?
Spinning around so incomplete

Search the sky for signs of life
All I found were satellites
My hands are tied, all the time
Daylight seems only steps away
Wishing I could see your face
My hands are tied, to the open night

I'm calling, calling for you
You're calling, calling for me, yeah

Is it for real?
Do I see what I want to believe?
Are you for real?
Spinning around so incomplete
I said hold on child, hold on to me
I'll get you through this
Hold on child, hold on to me
You're closer than you think

Can I believe, in times like these?
Can I believe, in times like these?

Is it for real?
Do I see what I want to believe?
Are you for real?
Spinning around so incomplete
I said hold on child, hold on to me
I'll get you through this
Hold on child, hold on to me
You're closer than you think

And She Won't Sleep...

Thu, 04 May 2006 16:20:22 GMT

I'm not ready to leave. Not yet.

Suffice it to say,
We're leaving things unsaid.

I won't be home for the summer, so I really am not going to see anyone for three months. Granted, I'll be meeting all kinds of cool people and probably having the summer of my life, but right now, I'm having trouble saying good-bye. Maybe that's because I haven't done or said all of the things I've wanted to yet. Oh well. C'est la vie.

Because all I want to be is the minute that you hold me in.

It's The Freakin' Weekend

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 18:20:43 GMT

I'm about to have me some fun!

Much love to everyone who sent me birthday messages - you made my day! Thanks a million!

You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

The Politics of Life

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 03:43:08 GMT

Waking Ashland - The Politics of Life

Sat around and thought about destiny
Which led me to feelings I could not conceive
Because I was holding on to yesterday
Had to let go to find today

Do do do you're breaking through my boundaries
Do do do the many moons it took me to find you
Do do do, Do do do, you're burning through
I want to fall in love with you

Sat around and talked about politics
And all the different reasons why we exsist
But what if the answer is right in front of me
Turning these pages

It’s taken me over
It’s taken him over
I’m thinking it over

These boys have been singing my thoughts lately.

Finals can go to hell.

Let's Rearrange

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 01:10:09 GMT

i wish you were a stranger i could disengage.

Alcohol and Bandages

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 08:38:30 GMT

Alcohol is my bandage. One of them, anyway. I drink to not deal with things, I drink to make excuses for others, I drink to liberate myself. Dumb, huh? It's got to stop. More later.

If I have to, I might as well....

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 19:46:56 GMT

so it's that damn old tag game.
So the rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

1. I brush my teeth in the shower.
2. I am OCD about spelling, punctuation, grammar, and word choice (so the paragraph above is really irritating).
3. I use lyrics to express what I can't say to someone (so generally any lyrics I have posted in my profile or in livejournal are directed towards a specific person).
4. I will listen to a song/cd on repeat for days at a time.
5. I have never been able to tell a crush that I'm interested in him.
6. I can't stand it when people clear their throats.

There's no one else to tag. If you read this and want to do it, be my guest.

I saw Guster live in concert last night at the AUD. I was front and center, not seven feet from the band. I can die happy now.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann

I like this.

I Looked Away

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 02:26:30 GMT

There's a red giant sitting on my shoulder. Leering at me, pointy teeth dripping salaciously, digging the weight of the world into my back with sharpened heels. Anticipating my failure, heaping struggle after sweaty struggle as I double over. My feet drag sluggishly, mucking through swampy, sucking earth. Hamperered, but still unbound, I plow forward, unsure but consistently plodding towards a gleaming sun.

What Feeds The Fire

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 01:29:43 GMT

Make of these what you will.

Covered and restrained
baby it’s taboo
don’t breathe in
secrets stay at the bottom of the well
let’s not fool ourselves
did you really think
any of this meant anything at all?

What if I said yes?

Breathe in, bar smoke burns
an acrid blue on a deep pink
sins inhaled, secrets tucked away
keep breathing baby
it’ll only be a little while longer
back to the bedroom
no more clothes, no more restraints
engagement with forbidden fruit
meaningless

let’s take a free ride
and not feel for a while
let’s shed all our inhibitions, our good intentions
for one night of romping in sin
be with me now, own up with the sun
face our demons
long walk home
chiming with the risen orb
host of angels clanging the gongs
sinner is here, dead man walking
dead inside, blackened leaves after the conflagration
ashes to ashes
we are dust, and to dust we shall
return
from our shells to the sunset
as the hosts of heavens
tidal wave forth
spirits lost and gained
sorry mom, I tried.

What if we could be everything
we had always wanted?
What if we could live up to
all the expectations
What if our dreams
really did come true?

What if my lips touched yours
in the sweetest kiss
What if I stared into your eyes
and say what I felt reflected back
What if this were all real
instead of a foolish dream

merely a tear on a dewy leaf
fleeting, surpassing
life is tidal
it comes and goes
ebbing to and fro
breathe it in, salty air
breathe it out, tainted
and monoxided
stained tobacco air wrenches the lungs
stale beer and staler feelings
give way to the endless night
a dead fire
passion without feeling
pleasure without love
the morning after
sin with consequences
hangs heavy with the sun
wind whips at the face
while turmoiled whitecaps churn
grease, alcohol, guilt
another weekend gone by

to be, or not to be
what is, and what will never
cease to be
thinking of you
lying with another
you’re the catalyst
you’re the flame that won’t die
while you snuff everything else
your black smoke churns
you burn me inside out
deadened, ashy, smoldering
sparks catch easily
die just as quickly
oh the things I do for you.

I don’t mean to be depressing, it’s just what I do
I can’t stop thinking about anything but you
I can’t help it, it’s all I yearn for
I don’t want anything more
than to be everything you want.
You’re all I want.

I’m not what you think of
I’m not what you think at all
try me, you’ll find
I am metal, you are glue
I’m adaptable to anything you
shape - malleable, malformed.
Mold me, make me.
Clay runs, shapes, hardens
catch me quick
before I freeze this way.

let it be
breathe easy
cleanse yourself.
Let it be.
You will be fine
you are resilient
you will succeed
you are strong.
Internal summer
drives.
I will be.
I can be.
I am.

Why...

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 06:07:06 GMT

...is it that whenever I hear "Down" I think of you?

...is it that I'm having crazy dreams?

...is it that there are signs everywhere, yet I still can't figure out what to do?

...do I think so much?

So, crazy, crazy dreams. I was kissing him, and then I was at a frat party, kissing everyone else (including a repeat of my mistakes on Halloween - oh dear god.) Then the next night I dreamt a combination of Saw/Texas Chainsaw Massacre. What do dreams mean? Do they mean anything? What should I do? My fortunes tell me to "Don't think about it so much" and to "Follow your instincts". What if my instincts tell me to run and hide (like they always do)? That's no way to live. Please, anyone, I don't care who, if you read this, I know it's terribly, horribly vague, but I really need help/answers, so if you feel like responding with any wisdom, or anything at all, please do. Why are boys so horribly confusing?

I give up. For now.

Until tomorrow, when a new day begins and I'm ready to take it all on again.

Ciao, my loves.

Way To Break My Heart

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 07:56:56 GMT

Everyone vents in their livejournal, so I will too.

I'm single. And I fucking hate it. I'm so tired of being alone. I want to be with someone who cares about me. Who loves me, even. Someone who I can't wait to talk to, someone who I want to be around all the time, someone whom I love and loves me back equally. I'm tired of waiting. I'm so tired of being constantly reminded that I'm alone. I love that Liz and Kyle together. They're so happy, and that makes me happy. But it also reminds me of how alone I am. Why have I been single for twenty years? Is there something wrong with me? What's going on that I can't get a date? I know I should probably put myself out there more, and try to be more outgoing, but you know what, I don't want to. I don't want to get hurt. I want the person I start dating to date me for me. To like me for me. Take me as I am, because that's all I can be. Fuck. Why is it that Liz can get the guys she wants, but I can't? I mean, I don't even think I like a guy right now. I just feel dead inside. I don't get butterflies anymore. You say you want to date someone, you say you're tired of being single, well, freaking date me, for Christ's sake. I've like you for long enough, why can't you see it? Why can't things just work out for once? Everything else is working out, what's so wrong with making this happen. Why can't you see that I like you? Maybe even love you? Why couldn't you see that this summer, when I was crazy about you? Now it's all fading, and that makes me so sad. When will I find love? I don't want to go on this road trip with just Liz, Kyle, and Amanda. I love them all, but I want more than just friends. Grr. Sorry to vent, but I need this. Even if it means delaying my sleep significantly, and going into work tomorrow with less than adequate sleep. iTunes is playing "my song", "Katie Come True" by Son,Ambulance right now. If he had said that to me a few months ago, I probably would have swooned and melted into a puddle at his feet. Now, I just feel regret for something that we never had, but what could have been wonderful. Fuck. I want to feel something for someone. Anything. I want to stop being so independent. I want to need someone. I know people say that it sucks to be in a relationship, and that it's so much work, and drama, and yada yada, but I don't care. I want that drama. I want to be hurt by someone like that. I've never had it happen, and I want it to happen. I want to KNOW what it all means. I need to show myself that I am capable of caring for someone that deeply. I want to be involved. Why can't you love me like that? Why do you have to like Kaylee? Why does Mattie keep telling me to date him? God, I want to. I want to care about someone like that, but I think I've cared too much, and so now I've just shut down. Which is funny, because I want it sooo bad, yet I won't let myself have it. I'm becoming numb as a defense mechanism, but it's pretty ineffective. I get bouts of loneliness pretty often. Like now. And every other time I see a couple. Which is pretty damn often. Ok, so now iTunes is playing "Best Mistake" by jamisonparker. I love that band, and I adore their work. This song is exactly what I went through this summer, and I kind of wish I could recreate that. I want him, or, wait, I don't even know if it's that anymore. I just want someone. Well, more than someone, I want THAT someone. I need to stop being so picky. Maybe I should casually date. But if I do that, it's not really worth my time if it will eventually end. I don't even know how it all works. And I wish I did. I also do wish that I didn't have to put myself out there, though. I wish it would just fall into my lap and happen. Too bad that's impossible. There's probably so many things I should be doing, but I'm not. Please, just make it all better. Please. I'm so tired of my claddaugh being in the same position year after year. Why don't boys like me? I give up. Entirely. Maybe that's why I'm so dead inside. I desperately need an ice cream night with Katie B. And a boyfriend. I want to DATE him. God, why can't he see that? Fuck fuck fuck. I'm going to bed so that I will be functional tomorrow at work. More later, I'm sure, because a lot's been going on, but right now I'm just real emotional and need to put this down somewhere. Go figure, it's here.

Good night, loves.

PS: Music still says it better. Especially Cursive.

Cursive - "The Night I Lost The Will To Fight"

I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains

The night has fallen down the staircase...

I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains
One Februrary night, we screamed our agonies
And I swear I tried to care
I tried, I tried...

But the icicles hung down like prison bars...

I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains
One February night, we screamed our agonies
And I swear I tried to care
I tried, I tried...
(And) I lost the will to fight...
The will to fight...
(I lost the will to fight... I lost the will to fight... I lost it... I lost
it...
I lost the will to fight.)

Lack of Common Sense

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 19:50:43 GMT

So. Went over to Shawn's last night for Julie's birthday party, intending to only stay for a little while because I knew I had to work in the morning at 10am.

I ended up in Josh's bed and finally got to sleep at 7:30 am. I had to wake up at 8:30. I walked back in the blistering cold for forty five minutes.

I love that I have so much common sense.

But I had sooooooooo much fun. I think it was almost worth it.

Bring on the Superbowl. Woohoo for more parties on no sleep. I love it.

We're the coolest kids, and we'll take what we can get.

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 21:15:14 GMT

Stoplight parties are fun.

"Women bathe in that stuff." - Dave referring to semen.

"Would you rather shower in semen or get Jake's foot fungus?"

"It's like a cheese grater." - Kyle in reference to going commando in jeans.

"What's white and beige and supports women? Liz's bras." - Liz talking to her mother about some forgotten items....

"It's the sum of kinetic energy frat. They must be nerds." - Liz

"I can't read Greek."

"Never again will I wear a green shirt to a stoplight party." - Christie after getting hit on by the crazy A Kent, and some Lyman Briggs students.

"Hey, at least it got us jungle juice."

I love my ridiculous friends.

And we'll never miss a party, because we keep them going constantly.

So Go On

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 23:59:13 GMT

"In the midst of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."

i like that.

I Found My Eyeholes, Biotch!

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 16:59:19 GMT

So, three shots of Castille, one shot of Jack, and a quarter of a 22oz Dragon's Milk (thank you very much Jake, I did finish that shit when you said I couldn't handle it) was a pretty good way to welcome in the new semester.

Highlights of the night:

1. Downloading "I Gotta Stay Fly" with Christie on John's computer, even though John hates that song.

2. Liz running around in a Califrinch mask she found on the floor(Califrinch = California Raisin + Grinch).

3. Playing "Piano Man" on Ben's (the RA) full size keyboard and singing along while quite tipsy, and still playing well. (Except I didn't have the spread for Metallica's "Enter Sandman" so I called in reinforcement - meaning Liz.)

4. Jake giving the guy 35 dollars to pay for 10 dollars worth of cigarettes.

5. The three adorable little baby hamsters.

6. Those crazy Shaw boys and their drinking (and Liz instigating a drinking game).

7. Kyle's velour sweatsuit and his Cybershot (maybe documenting last night was not such a good idea...?)

8. Liz writhing on the floor, tugging at the mask and kicking Phil in the knee screaming, "I found my eyeholes, biotch!"

9. Ben's eyes, Dave shirtless and drunk, Waseem's jet lag, slapping Phil, and talking "Family Matters" with Steven Szasz (crazy Romanian).

10. Being a cuddle whore and an shameless flirt.

Yeah, the night was hilarious. I don't think I stopped laughing all night. I woke up with a smile on my face, and good memories from last night.

I've got Limewire up and running and an external memory drive, so let the downloading begin, bitches!

This could be the best day of my life.

Hey Beautiful Day

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:13:40 GMT

Well, today is less than pretty outside, but that's not the point.

I had one hell of a weekend. Again. I love it.

So, Saturday was New Year's Eve. I went up to State to celebrate with Christie and Ashley, and had a magnificent time doing so. I rocked out to Modest Mouse and The Postal Service along the way there, and was way pumped by the time I got there. We all dressed up and went to Mark's for a while, which of course was a good time, and then party hopped to Ashley's friend David's house, and then to Christie's boytoy Travis's apartment, which is conveniently close to Cedar Village. We rang in the new year there, and then I went back to Mark's to play a game of beer pong and visit with Shawn and Gary. I left soon after the game, as Ashley and her friend Danielle were nice enough to come and pick me up! We crashed early, and slept in late.

Sunday we bummed around. I mean that quite literally. I got up around ten thirty, showered, then sat back down on the couch. Pretty much I didn't move from that spot, except to get a cinnamon roll once. Christie eventually went over to Travis's to meet the parents and fondue it up, so Ashley and I layed around watching a marathon of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. We must have watched six episodes, I swear. In the midst of the makeovers, we figured out that we were STARVING and decided to order JJ's. Unfortunately, they weren't open. So we settled on Pizza House, only to have them quote us a forty five minute wait. Our stomachs nearly swallowed themselves, but the pizza came twenty minutes early and was theeee most delicious thing I've ever tasted. Finally it was time for movie night, so I went and picked up Shawn and Gary, and we drove over to Mark's home in Okemos to watch movies on the big screen with his adorable three German Shepherds. We watched Identity and Serenity, both excellent movies, and left around midnight. I went back to Christie and Ashley's apartment, and we sat around til two, and then went to bed. Unfortunately, the boys living above Christie and Ashley like to play System of a Down at top volume while bouncing bowling balls on the floor at two in the morning. It made sleep a little tricky.

Monday was a little bit more producitve and exciting. I got up around noon, went to the bookstores and spent an exorbitant amount of money on books (and I haven't even bought them all yet!) and then tried to put my bike in my itty bitty car. That was an adventure. I first attempted to take the front wheel off, and, managing to get the wheel off it's axle, I gave up and just shoved it inside. Miraculously, it fit, and I got back to the apartment around two-ish after much deliberation about parking. I took a shower while the girls went on a beer run with Travis and his brother, and by the time they got back, Christie was ready to go to the mall. We shopped it up, finding cute deals and made it back around five thirty. Excited about the impending events, we started to get ready. That was a mistake. We were all ready by six thirty, and guests didn't arrive until nine. Shoot. So we were basically bored out of our minds for two and a half hours, but we somehow made it through.

Kyle, Dave, Jon, and Jeremy were the first to arrive, followed quickly by Josh, Nick, and Casey. Casey established our relationship early on, saying that he would give orders while I rejected them with gusto. Don't ask me, he came up with the idea. Plus it gave me an excuse to swear at him. He told me he liked the independent thing I had going on. And that he liked me. And my shirt. But he didn't just like me because of my shirt. He was quite the character. Anyway, Travis and Mark showed up, and the party really got moving. Mark and Travis tore apart the room, setting up a beer pong table and getting things together. Beer pong was fierce, as Travis and Jon held the table for an unprecedented nine games, only to be beaten by Christie and Dave. Christie, Ashley, and I were being cute with our champagne glasses for the pink panties, and our Coronas with lime. Scott, Travis's brother, showed up, bringing at least nine or ten people with him as well as a pot full of beer and a ladle, and the party went off the wall. They left fairly quickly, though, and it began to die down. Kyle, Jon, Jeremy and I ventured off to Meijer to make an emergency chip and dip run while playing twenty questions with a little machine thingy. We actually saw Scott and his friends buying Wedding Crashers at Meijer while we were checking out. Crazy. I spent twelve dollars on chips, but it was well worth it to see the hit the cheese dip made. Man, we all had mad munchies. I totally blew it, though, dumping half my Corona all over the floor while we were pigging out. That was sad. Their floor is completely beer soaked. Casey, who really liked to talk, tried to tell Josh, Kyle, and I about this type of dinosaur in the Triassic period that had a dorsal fin, which allowed it to take in more heat, thus increasing it's metabolism, which enabled it to eat more, thus making it more adaptively successful. Go Darwin. Josh also tried to steal my phone and make drunk calls on it, but to no avail.

Throughout the night I made it a point to call Liz and have a bunch of people talk to her, as she couldn't attend. Hopefully she enjoyed the drunken messages. The party dwindled around one, when Jon, Kyle, Jeremy, and Dave left. We all sat around, just talking for a while, and Ashley and I put the room back together. The Postal Service and Death Cab for Cutie were the topic of debate for a while, which I relished. I changed the relationship between Casey and I, thus agreeing to do what he asked. We exchanged backrubs/massages (Jaime, if you read this, don't you dare laugh!) and then it was time for bed. Ashley and I shared the futon, while Josh (who is also a Special Education major at Eastern who lives a mile from Katie B) and Nick slept on the couches. Casey (an ambitious Art and English major with an amazing vocabulary striving for a PhD in ten years) slept on the floor, snoring up a freaking storm. I finally crashed at around four, only to wake up again at six. I fell back asleep at six thirty, and the damn alarm went off at eight.

It doesn't feel like I slept, though. I kept dreaming about Casey, oddly enough, who took on a position similar to little Mike in one dream, along with Katrina and her siblings, Keith Bange, and me taking six dollars that I had already paid out of the money box and getting kicked out of the building where my mom's show was going on for doing that. I couldn't distinguish between what was reality and what was a dream when I awoke. Has anyone had that happen to them, where consciousness melts so slowly into sleep that you don't realize you're sleeping, and you're so concentrated on one thing that it becomes the dream, and the dream seems to be reality? I walked my sleepy, dream riddled butt to the Psychology Building, and brough it back around the apartments so I could load up what little room I had left in my Saturn. While I got my stuff out of Shannon's room, Casey said, "I had fun with you last night." I wonder if he knew the extent to which he got in my head and how true that statement could have been. I left, and made good time coming home while jamming to Guster's "Lost and Gone Forever". Oddly enough, I didn't sing along like I normally would, but that must be a result of intense thought processes.

Today was productive, as I went to Dr. Meils and Dr. Savi. I made a mandatory Starbucks stop, as I couldn't function without a jolt of caffiene. Now I've got to make some phone calls.

And that was my weekend, in a nutshell. A big nutshell.

I love East Lansing. I can't wait to be across the hall neighbors from Christie and Ashley. I foresee many, many good times ahead.

Kate out.

Excuse the cliche phrase, but...

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 20:41:31 GMT

...oh what a night.

At the beginning, of course.

Ok. Party at Katie B's. Absolutely effing crazy. I pulled of the exit at University, only to find that Katie Sb and Joe were following right behind me. We were the first to get to the apartment, but we were followed quickly by Ryan and Phil, who brought the alcohol. Her apartment was all set up for beer pong and for guests, and that made me happy.

I couldn't resist a game of beer pong, despite my best intentions not to get drunk too early. Joe and I played one on one, and I lost (of course). Then Joe played Katie Sb and Katie B, and the night was off to a good start. We switched back and forth between the Pistons and the Wings while more and more people showed up. Party list at this point: Captain, Brendan, Anne, Jay, Kaitlin, plus all the people previously mentioned. Erica, David, and Ingrid showed up a little later, along with Matt and Steve and a ton of random people. Ryan's neighbors, Ian, Dan, and someone else, (Rob maybe?) showed up. Ian was cool - He's the lead singer of "The Broadway". Ryan had brought his computer so that he could DJ, and his playlist included "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. I swear, that song must have been played at least fifteen times, and I will cry if I hear it one more time. That was definitely the song of the night, hands down.

Throughout, I played a ridiculous amount of beer pong, all the while nursing the beer. (I was determined not to get that drunk.) Joe was my beer pong partner for the night, and we did pretty well for ourselves. We ended Ryan and Phil's streak, then played Kaitlin and Andrew, then Erica and David, then we played Matt and Steve, to whom we unfortunately lost. I wandered around outside because it was so bloody hot in that apartment with all the people in the apartment. Pete and I stood outside and chatted for a while, and then decided to tie Phil's shoes to the top of his Blazer. Cue frantic panicking by a drunk Phil later on in the night. I was also outside at one point with Andrew, a co-worker of Katie and Errin at Cowley's. We smoked a Swisher Sweet and chatted about going away to school. There was some serious cooking going on inside when we walked back in, as Phil decided to whip up his cheesy potatoes. I unfortunately did not partake in those, but hey, that's life.

While I was out there at some other time with more random people, Carey Piligian and two other girls showed up (friends of Kaitlin). We chatted for a minute about siblings, and then he went inside. Joe and I played one of Kaitlin's friends and Andrew, and I asked him what cologne he was wearing (Sb wanted to know - Adidas Moves, btw.) Keith freaking Bange was there, and that was so exciting. We chatted for a while in Katie's room, and he didn't stay for too long. But he seems like he's doing well, which is good. At one point in the night Erica came up to me and told me that my friend had slapped her ass. As she said my friend, I naturally assumed Mattie (Steve's not quite a friend yet). So I walked up to Mattie and smacked the shit out of him. Captain found this really amusing, as Mattie had done nothing wrong. Steve had smacked Erica. I spent the rest of the night apologizing profusely to Mattie and trying to deck Steve as well as I had done to Mattie.

Pretty much for the rest of the night I just wandered around, checking on people. Jay had passed out in the bathroom around eleven, so I checked on him and Ryan several times, and even got stuck in there for a while. The other bathroom had drama, so I made sure they weren't killing each other a few times. Things kind of hit the wall late into the night, which is to be expected at any party. Phil managed to calm himself down which cannot be said for others. Thank God for Phil. That's all I have to say about that one. I was sitting by the door at one point, making sure people weren't going to leave and drive drunk. There was definitely porn on TV at one point, and then the boys went out on the balcony, taking off their shirts and chugging Natty Light.

The madness finally subsided around four thirty -fiveish, but sleep evaded Ryan, Phil, and I. Phil and I talked in the kitchen for a little bit, while Errin and Ryan crashed Katie and Ian's futon party. Ryan, Phil and I decided, for the best interests of the people trying to sleep, that we would go outside and talk, since we clearly weren't able to sleep. We chatted outside until around six thirty, when Phil promised to wake Ingrid up. Doing so, and discovering that she still wanted to sleep, we went to Shofar. Randomest thing ever, but so goooood. Phil ate every single leftover scrap of food on the table, dousing his, mine, and Ryan's hashbrowns in a sea of ketchup. It was singularly disgusting, but so amusing at the same time. On the ride back we jammed to such tunes as "Where Are You?" by Our Lady Peace, and "Rude Boys Don't Cry" by Bedouin Soundclash. We got back around seven thirty singing "I'll be home..." at the top of our lungs. I proceeded to try to pass out, to no avail. Alarms were going off left and right, and finally it was time for David to leave. Pretty much everyone took off at that point, except for Jay, Andrew, Ryan, Ian, and Phil (who was sleeping in the bath tub. Oy vey.).

I left around quarter to ten, decided that I, in fact, had a bed that was ten minutes away and that I was going to make use of that. Well, I hopped in the shower when I got back, and then tried to sleep. That didn't so much happen til around noon, after Liz called, and then I passed out til two thirty. I called Sb, and we discovered that Brokeback Mountain is not playing anywhere except Livonia, Royal Oak, and Sterling Heights. So we took a raincheck for our movie night, and so here I am. That was my night. Utter madness, but so much freaking fun. I have two new Shofar buddies, and a host of good memories.

Ok, I'm tired, but so proud of myself for remembering pretty much everything about my night. I don't care how weak it is, but nursing the beer from beer pong made all the difference in the world. I think I'll stick to that for now. Sb, I want to see pictures (perhaps posting them on facebook?) and Katie B, I'll be over to help you clean up tomorrow.

Chalk it up to another crazy night. And you know I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ok, since Kiki tagged me, here it is: Name 5 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. Tag 5 people

1. Music
2. Waking up with a smile on my face
3. Going home to find that you can pick up right where you left off with your friends
4. Receiving an unexpected, sincere compliment
5. Driving with the windows down

I'm pretty sure every one I know has been tagged, so if you read this and haven't already done it, do it.

So yeah...

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 18:33:45 GMT

...apparently I look like Reese Witherspoon.

...apparently I can't make smart decisions when I drink.

Yeah, I just make out with all the wrong people. And I black out waaaaay too easily. I don't remember more than half my night, and it wasn't even that long! I passed out way too early. It was sooooo cold sleeping on the futon. But so much fun. I played beer pong with Ryan (We definitely lost that game, and it's all my fault), became best friends with Julie, did tequila shots with Katie B, and played flippy cup for the first time! So much fun. This morning we got Jimmy John's (best idea ever) and sat around, recounting the night - I got to hear everything I did (oy vey) and what all happened after I passed out. Such fun.

Ok, I have to motor. I'm going to shower and bake, and then go to work. Then tomorrow morning I go to work until noon, and then come home and clean frantically before six. Oh, and I might want to shower, too. Hmm....

Didn't Want to Leave You With My Last Confession...

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 01:30:26 GMT

Dammit all to hell.

I hate finals.

And unrequited love.

Burn baby, burn.

Appearance
[X] I am shorter than 5'4
[ ] I have many scars
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] have/I've had braces.
[X] wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[X] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[X] I have more than 2 piercings
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents. Not in a bad way, but in fun conversation
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[X] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[X] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[X] I'm in school.
[X] I have a job.
[X] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[X] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[X] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[X] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[X] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[X] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something
[X] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[X] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[X] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery. Two in fact
[X] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling
[X] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[X] I've been on a plane.
[X] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[X] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[X] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[X] I've gotten lost in my city.
[X] I've seen a shooting star.
[X] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[X] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[X] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[X] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving. (i will someday...)
[X] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] I've crashed a car.
[X] I've been Skiing.
[X] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[X] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[X] I've played a prank on someone.
[X] I've ridden in a taxi.
[X] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten Sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding. (this break i will)

Relationships
[X] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've had someone cheat on me.
[X] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[X] I miss someone right now.
[X] I have a fear of commitment.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[X] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[X] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[X] I am a cuddler.
[X] I love to flirt.
[X] I've been kissed in the rain.
[X] I've hugged a stranger.
[X] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[X] I am a terrible liar.
[X] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[X] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I've cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I've cheated on a test.
[X] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[X] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[ ] I've shoplifted.

Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[X] I hate funerals.
[X] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[X] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[X] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[X] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Political/Social Attitudes
[ ] In general, I don't like people.
[ ] I'm a feminist.
[ ] I'm very outgoing.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[X] I'm Democratic. (If I had to pick...in general I try to avoid politics)
[ ] I'm Republican.
[ ] I'm liberal.
[ ] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[X] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[X] I'm religious. (it's more like spiritual, but ok)
[X] I dress fairly modestly.
[ ] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Random
[ ] I can sing well. I'm not awesome, but I don't think I suck either
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[X] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[X] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[X] I curse regularly.
[X] I sing in the shower.
[X] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[X] I'm a snob about grammar.
[X] I am a sports fanatic. (To an extent - thanks Mattie)
[X] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[X] I love being neat.
[ ] I've had Spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[X] I bake well.
[X] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[X] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun. Ironicly, I actually do
[X] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[X] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[X] I am really ticklish.
[X] I love white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[X] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[X] My answers are totally honest.

Oh, how I love procrastination!